There are forms of natural beauty that humans appear to be hardwired for. Most children are born with a kind of natural physical beauty it seems. Then there is beauty in the innocence of the human spirit. And some seem to have a beautiful mind—marked by the capacity for openness, self-reflection, curiosity, awe, and the ability to make useful distinctions. It seems to me that we come into the world connected to such beauty and then the work is to maintain a connection to it as we age. As adults, we actually have to practice to maintain a bridge to these youthful gifts of beauty. Exercise goes a long way in the physical department, meditation and faith helps anchor the spirit, and writing is such an underrated practice for developing a beautiful mind. You've walked away from your investment in artificial beauty hours on the body front, but clearly you are still investing a lot of time to maintain your beauty standards when it comes to your human spirit and the brightness of your mind. Perhaps beauty requires continuous work as we age, and what we choose to beautify, and how, may be one of the most important choices we make in life. I am inspired by your choices in this respect Melissa. It leaves me with the reflection today, "What have I chosen to beautify, and why? And what do I want to beautify tomorrow?"
Great piece, I really liked this line, “Beauty has always been a currency, and it’s always had a mysterious aura of being bestowed by luck or the Gods.”
In my honest opinion, there was less of this excess when we ware able to embrace that we just wanted to look good to catch someone from the opposite sex. Sure, women wore makeup and men went to the gym. But women didn't abuse surgery and microsurgery like nowadays, and men didn't try to look like action figures. This coming from a bodybuilder.
Part of it has to do with the advancment of technology, but mainly I think it's the fact that we lost sight of the end goal. When you are trying to look good for others, you have to contend with some metric of success in your pursuit. Others have to actually like you. And I know very few men who like the plastic look of women nowadays, or women who like action figures. Such excesses are somewhat contained.
Whereas, when you bullshit yourself into thinking "I do it for myself", it can quickly become an addiction. Especially if you end up in a circlejerk of likeminded people who feed narcissistic reinforcment to it.
I quit my body shaping workouts in favor of yoga, I stopped dying and cutting my hair, I stopped getting nails lashes and facials. Instead I invest that time money and energy into healthy food (which I eat intuitively and do not diet) I shape and buff my own nails, take epsom salt baths, get 9h of sleep…what’s wild is a year ago I was still doing a lot of the old stuff. I had constant dates and matches. Now, crickets. Well I am satisfied with my healthy self. I can be feminine because femininity comes from inside without coughing up cash to fix myself.
I hate all these systems that exploit women’s insecurities for profit.
It really comes from the inside. And the more I think about it, like hearing about how men called Margo Robbie mid, or there was another very attractive woman being highly criticized without her usual airbrushing, I would never love or respect a man that thought that way. I am focusing on grief and forgiveness in my life right now and I can see how my own insecurities and attachment to prettyness caused me to live outside of my integrity leading to some pretty shitty life decisions. I’m glad to walk the path of truth now.
Wonderful important piece. My most popular Substack is called “How to Save Your Daughter $300k” about exactly this issue. And I write in my book, Sexism & Sensibility, about girls plunging so much of their time energy and financial resources into looking “perfect” :(
Fashion & makeup 100 billion dollar a year industries to sell the sizzle and not the steak.
I would ask: Are you honest? Are you kind? Are you a caring person? Because these are the traits that matter.
Wrinkles come easily with age, hair turns grey, veins become prominent and breasts sag...it is the destination many women have. Men become paunchy, baldness takes their dignity and erections are a faint memory, no one escapes the cruel ravishes of time.
It isn't the time or money that you should mourn, it is the truth that what lives inside of us is all that should matter.
YO MELISSA - THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I'VE READ ALL YEAR! 🔥 The math you did here isn't just about money - it's about LIFE CURRENCY! Every hour you spend trying to look 'perfect' is an hour you're not spending becoming the person you're meant to be.
We've forgotten that the most attractive thing is being passionate about something bigger than yourself. Being kind. Creating value for others. Everything else is just noise.
Keep speaking truth. We need more of this. #selfworth > #selfie
As a male, I’m always shocked when I see articles like this. Social media has truly done a number on our society, and many people seem to have skewed ideas of what people’s bodies faces, etc should look like. I’m glad you seem to have become more confident in your own skin, and hope that your writing helps others do the same.
When I see I girl with short dirty nails I just wonder what kind of art was she just making with her hands. Was it ceramic, painting, cooking, playing with dirt? When I see long plastic nails i just move on with no thoughts.
Loved your article. Spent many years thinking about beauty, but I was an entertainer, then, and appearance definitely mattered. Doesn't so much , now, although I still pay attention. But I wanted to mention, you don't say much about the pain involved in all of this. I recently had facial surgery. It not only hurt but I found being awake under the knife traumatic.
I'd like to know, if you would speak to that, what exactly you would say.
That’s a really fair point! I only ever had injections and IPL and I have a high pain tolerance so it wasn’t something I felt personally as strongly about but there should be way more discussion about this! Having watched both my mom and aunt undergo facelifts the financial and physical recovery is overwhelming and takes you out of your life for months. I also had a friend who underwent breast augmentation at 19 and then had severe health issues stemming from her implants for years - it’s much more common than people realize. Add on the long-term health risks of Ozempec which many don’t realize has a black box warning from the FDA for thyroid cancer and it’s a very real health burden that is added to women’s plate to conform.
But I will say IPL was like being shot in the face.
I always said unless I'm gonna be on camera I probably will not be getting cosmetic surgery. I suppose it depends on whether they're gonna make it less painful. And I'm not unlimitedly wealthy. I would have to pick and choose.
My wife is now 52 and we went to Turkey on holiday... while there she took advantage of cosmetic tourism... it was cheap... but It made her look so weird. She diddnt like it, and I couldnt care less.
Western women who live like this are insane. To state the obvious. But, it is also part and parcel of the rampant narcissistic cult-ure we're stuck with.
Serious face maintenance was only an American thing, I think. I remember a Texan on her first trip to London commenting on how plain London girls looked to her. No makeup, baggy clothes, unkempt weekend clothes.
On work days, the London office woman, in her subtle, nature enhancing, and self asserting makeup, makes a statement of seriousness and tidy accomplishment.
Now I’ve moved to Brighton, the London girl work armour is only noticeable around Brighton station at rush hour. The beach, outside a small stag and hen section in summer, is full of fresh faced minimal makeup English roses walking their dogs and enjoying the seafront.
There are forms of natural beauty that humans appear to be hardwired for. Most children are born with a kind of natural physical beauty it seems. Then there is beauty in the innocence of the human spirit. And some seem to have a beautiful mind—marked by the capacity for openness, self-reflection, curiosity, awe, and the ability to make useful distinctions. It seems to me that we come into the world connected to such beauty and then the work is to maintain a connection to it as we age. As adults, we actually have to practice to maintain a bridge to these youthful gifts of beauty. Exercise goes a long way in the physical department, meditation and faith helps anchor the spirit, and writing is such an underrated practice for developing a beautiful mind. You've walked away from your investment in artificial beauty hours on the body front, but clearly you are still investing a lot of time to maintain your beauty standards when it comes to your human spirit and the brightness of your mind. Perhaps beauty requires continuous work as we age, and what we choose to beautify, and how, may be one of the most important choices we make in life. I am inspired by your choices in this respect Melissa. It leaves me with the reflection today, "What have I chosen to beautify, and why? And what do I want to beautify tomorrow?"
Thank you I really like this reframe of how I think about this! Going to adopt it :)
Amen
Great piece, I really liked this line, “Beauty has always been a currency, and it’s always had a mysterious aura of being bestowed by luck or the Gods.”
In my honest opinion, there was less of this excess when we ware able to embrace that we just wanted to look good to catch someone from the opposite sex. Sure, women wore makeup and men went to the gym. But women didn't abuse surgery and microsurgery like nowadays, and men didn't try to look like action figures. This coming from a bodybuilder.
Part of it has to do with the advancment of technology, but mainly I think it's the fact that we lost sight of the end goal. When you are trying to look good for others, you have to contend with some metric of success in your pursuit. Others have to actually like you. And I know very few men who like the plastic look of women nowadays, or women who like action figures. Such excesses are somewhat contained.
Whereas, when you bullshit yourself into thinking "I do it for myself", it can quickly become an addiction. Especially if you end up in a circlejerk of likeminded people who feed narcissistic reinforcment to it.
I quit my body shaping workouts in favor of yoga, I stopped dying and cutting my hair, I stopped getting nails lashes and facials. Instead I invest that time money and energy into healthy food (which I eat intuitively and do not diet) I shape and buff my own nails, take epsom salt baths, get 9h of sleep…what’s wild is a year ago I was still doing a lot of the old stuff. I had constant dates and matches. Now, crickets. Well I am satisfied with my healthy self. I can be feminine because femininity comes from inside without coughing up cash to fix myself.
I hate all these systems that exploit women’s insecurities for profit.
Stand strong! More and more of us are opting out. We have to start a beauty revolution!
It really comes from the inside. And the more I think about it, like hearing about how men called Margo Robbie mid, or there was another very attractive woman being highly criticized without her usual airbrushing, I would never love or respect a man that thought that way. I am focusing on grief and forgiveness in my life right now and I can see how my own insecurities and attachment to prettyness caused me to live outside of my integrity leading to some pretty shitty life decisions. I’m glad to walk the path of truth now.
Wonderful important piece. My most popular Substack is called “How to Save Your Daughter $300k” about exactly this issue. And I write in my book, Sexism & Sensibility, about girls plunging so much of their time energy and financial resources into looking “perfect” :(
Wonderfully written and painfully honest -
Fashion & makeup 100 billion dollar a year industries to sell the sizzle and not the steak.
I would ask: Are you honest? Are you kind? Are you a caring person? Because these are the traits that matter.
Wrinkles come easily with age, hair turns grey, veins become prominent and breasts sag...it is the destination many women have. Men become paunchy, baldness takes their dignity and erections are a faint memory, no one escapes the cruel ravishes of time.
It isn't the time or money that you should mourn, it is the truth that what lives inside of us is all that should matter.
I guess I knew this without knowing the depth of the efforts women are going to pursuing the impossible.
Absolutely splendid!
Thank you!
YO MELISSA - THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I'VE READ ALL YEAR! 🔥 The math you did here isn't just about money - it's about LIFE CURRENCY! Every hour you spend trying to look 'perfect' is an hour you're not spending becoming the person you're meant to be.
We've forgotten that the most attractive thing is being passionate about something bigger than yourself. Being kind. Creating value for others. Everything else is just noise.
Keep speaking truth. We need more of this. #selfworth > #selfie
Thank you 🥰 Love the concept of life currency!
Well said Kuriakin!!
As a male, I’m always shocked when I see articles like this. Social media has truly done a number on our society, and many people seem to have skewed ideas of what people’s bodies faces, etc should look like. I’m glad you seem to have become more confident in your own skin, and hope that your writing helps others do the same.
When I see I girl with short dirty nails I just wonder what kind of art was she just making with her hands. Was it ceramic, painting, cooking, playing with dirt? When I see long plastic nails i just move on with no thoughts.
Love this!
Loved your article. Spent many years thinking about beauty, but I was an entertainer, then, and appearance definitely mattered. Doesn't so much , now, although I still pay attention. But I wanted to mention, you don't say much about the pain involved in all of this. I recently had facial surgery. It not only hurt but I found being awake under the knife traumatic.
I'd like to know, if you would speak to that, what exactly you would say.
That’s a really fair point! I only ever had injections and IPL and I have a high pain tolerance so it wasn’t something I felt personally as strongly about but there should be way more discussion about this! Having watched both my mom and aunt undergo facelifts the financial and physical recovery is overwhelming and takes you out of your life for months. I also had a friend who underwent breast augmentation at 19 and then had severe health issues stemming from her implants for years - it’s much more common than people realize. Add on the long-term health risks of Ozempec which many don’t realize has a black box warning from the FDA for thyroid cancer and it’s a very real health burden that is added to women’s plate to conform.
But I will say IPL was like being shot in the face.
Interesting… Thank you.
I always said unless I'm gonna be on camera I probably will not be getting cosmetic surgery. I suppose it depends on whether they're gonna make it less painful. And I'm not unlimitedly wealthy. I would have to pick and choose.
Well-said overall.
Wow. Thats just brutal :! Great piece.
My wife is now 52 and we went to Turkey on holiday... while there she took advantage of cosmetic tourism... it was cheap... but It made her look so weird. She diddnt like it, and I couldnt care less.
Inner health creates outer beauty :)
Hopefully you can grow a garden :)
Western women who live like this are insane. To state the obvious. But, it is also part and parcel of the rampant narcissistic cult-ure we're stuck with.
“Makeup is the western veil” -Nawal el Saadawi
Serious face maintenance was only an American thing, I think. I remember a Texan on her first trip to London commenting on how plain London girls looked to her. No makeup, baggy clothes, unkempt weekend clothes.
On work days, the London office woman, in her subtle, nature enhancing, and self asserting makeup, makes a statement of seriousness and tidy accomplishment.
Now I’ve moved to Brighton, the London girl work armour is only noticeable around Brighton station at rush hour. The beach, outside a small stag and hen section in summer, is full of fresh faced minimal makeup English roses walking their dogs and enjoying the seafront.